Only tears hit the ground...

So I'll take my time guiding the blade down the line

God damn it! Another dead end! I feel so stuck... Everything is going wrong... Sunday went wrong. He just left me hanging there.... And I can't handle my studying anymore. I am just not able to make them. I am not going to get me through Goethe for Thursday.

Ahhh..... I dunno.. All just collapsed again. I feel kinda hopeless. I should be doing stuff and acting but I just.. I can't. I am lost somewhere in myself.

"Oh, how I wish to go down with the sun"...

Blank.. yeah..! I feel so happy. I don't remember when I was so happy the last time!
And my sister is very "comforting" too..

I just wanna leave.. I can't handle it anymore...

My minds eye

Seems like years of the last time I wrote.

But.. I guess the reason is there that I don't have much to write about. I sure do have something but I don't know...

It all has somehow collapsed again. A new antidepressant cure is awating for me. So much to do in school and outside of it. I just wish I could take the time off, that I could step out of this swirling perhaps just for a day. Would be enough to rest a bit.

I fell ill last week. I still am. Seems a very long- durable illness. Hate it. I wanna be healthy. At least that could be alright. But seems that they don't even want to give me that.

And again I am at a point where I mostly fake. I might seem happy and stuff.... inside is something different.

Just let me step off this hell... I wanna rest for a day.

P.S: There is actually quite a long story behind this all. It's too long to write here so... sorry.

Second week

So my second week in Tartu.

I know I haven't written here for a way too long time. Sorry for that. I haven't been quite myself. I haven't felt so right and also been kinda busy already. Too much coming up which all needs arrangement. Shcool ball and exchange student stuff..
Have had some problems. Mostly with myself though. Now I think I am kinda fine. Just somewhat empty and very very tired.

I can go home the day after tomorrow! Yay! Will be only one night then but still. That's a thing.
I heard that my little Henry has fallen ill... That's too bad. Poor him.

Nothing meaningful here I know.. I just dunno really what to write about. Head is too empty.
I'll go to bed and try to get some sleep. : )
Byes!