Why does it have to be this way?

DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

Why does it have to be like that huh?
The one person from who I would expect suppourt the most, beats me down and says that I am bad.

What ever I do she says I wont manage.
I went back to choir just because of her. Just to make her happy that I will sing in Tallinn this summer. And what for? To hear that I wont manage anyway? To hear how bad I am?
Because of her I am reaching out for University right now. She wants me to be successful and do the things with what she never managed. Why? To hear those words again? "You wont manage". "I thought that there is more in you". You have no idea how mad you turn me at times. And after that angryness comes sadness. You have no idea how much it damages me. I sometimes feel that I don't want to be what you try to make of me. I feel that I am not mine but you own me. But it's not meant to be like that. I should own me, not you.

I have so much more to say but it will become too long and I don't want to put all my anger out in here...
The things what bothered me most at the moment are said.. I can write here anytime again.
I just had to get this out of me... I am sorry.