Love is overrated

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night. I sat behind my desk and came up with which comes below. It's what I think of love. After, when I had finished it, I went back to bed and slept without dreams the whole night. I know that I had written something which came from deep inside of me because it was the first time I've felt such.. satisfaction and calmness after writting something.

"Love is overrated, yet we long for it the most in our lives.

So what's so special about it? Is it the fact that, while being in love and loved, we feel safe? Confident? Beautiful? Perhaps protected? But what if it comes to end? Good things aren't always meant to last. You feel then bitter, alone, anger, you hate yourself and the one who left you. So, a conclusion: love, as a feeling, is overrated. We shouldn't seek for it from the very first moment we start to realize what love might be. We should let it come to us itself. Maybe then it will be true and real one which will last and remain.
Love IS overrated.

So, what acutally is that so called "love" which we push on us? It should be a strong feeling of trust and likeing. But if we search for it and push it then it comes our selfmade un- reality, dream in which we imagine us to feel so safe.

But why do live in a made- up world if we can live here and now? Maybe some day you feel a real and true love if you haven't pushed the made- up on one it. I will take the last option anyway. Feeling a love which is pushed on me (by others or by me) is like living in prison. I've made the mistake once and I wont be so stupid to make it again. It felt good for some time but when it ended I made me feel and think like I had nothing left. But I actually had, I had my whole life left. I've decided to live my life as a free, indipendent person as long as my real love finds and overtakes me.

The society has started to advocate love too much. For what? To make our big population even bigger? Seeing 12 years old kissing and talking about love... I don't know. These will have their first children at the age of 15 and it's all because everyone talk about love and sex as an innocent and harmless thing. But there is a big responsbilty which comes with all that.

You can call me a bitter bitch who wants to destory the magic of love but I am not saying that I woulnd't want it or wouldn't be ready for it when it comes one day. I am older than 15 and I can say that I actually haven't been in love yet and I don't feel me being more childish or worhtless than others because of that. Not at all. I have remained my dignity and honour to myself. In my short life I do want to feel love, a real love and I will give it time to come as long as I have time to wait.

Saying the words "I love you" too much has made it turn into a plain phrase which is said out way too easily. Saying it less and with more passion means a lot more than saying it every day as a phrase of three words.

Love, for me, is overrated."

This is my opinion of the thing and you, of course, have a right for your own.
If you wish, you can let me know of what you think about love.
Thanks for reading it. =)

Look now what a person comes up to a middle of the night...

About 3rd to 5th of July (laulupidu)

Hello!

I know I haven't wrote anything into my blog for a too long time. My apologies and for those who wait for vampire stories next part... it will take some more time. I want to make it a good one as it's coming to an end soon.

I wanted to make a report about my given concerts (with many other awesome singers from all around Estonia.. I just don't know how to name it... a Singing Party?) in Tallinn from 4th to 5th July. It's a national festival to where is actually very hard to get.

We actually gathered there on 3rd already. I had to wake up at 5.20 am already to make it on the bus which started to Tallinn at 6.20 am. It was planned for soundchecks for choirs and some more practices before the big audition. The first one started already at 11.30, then we got a break... and I think I had about 5 soundchecks that day. I got free somewhere around 11 pm but I think I made it to bed around 1 in night.

The next morning I woke up something around 7 am. After breakfast we had a short tour in Tallinn (like I wouldn't know this town well enough already as I have lived there). It was good to have a longer walk in there... I haven't done that for long.
Then at 2 pm we all gathered in the mid- town to a "official" walk to the concert place which they showed in two different TV programs and in many news and other TV shows afterwards. The walk was about 5 km long and I saw many people I knew there: my parents, two ex- teachers and my idol- teacher, our ex president and one politics guy... After that we got some food to get ready for the first concert. We all went on the stage, we sang there and the traditional fire was lightened. It was such a magical, touching moment that I even cried. It was such an honor to be there and sing... It's just undescribeable.. You wont understand this feeling before you get there and see it with your own eye..It means a lot for an Estonian. And again I made it to bed around 1 in the night because of the concert, of course, this time.

Next and the last day I woke up at 8 am. And again after the breakfast we had a little tour in the town but in the other places. When we came back from there a very pleasant surprise waited me there: my very best friend Marija was there. I heard that she and her choir were also there. Now I had my best friend besides my cousin there too. We were together with Marija as much as we could the whole day.
At 2 pm we all gathered to the concert place and my choirs big moment started. Then after other choirs joined us and to the end of the concert I had sing so much and so loud that I had a sour throat. It was so fun and so good... Nothing will ever be as good as it was to sing there. The best choir leaders those days were Maarja Soone (my huge thanks), Eri Klas (*bows*) and Hirvo Surva ( |m| ).
When it ended, there was about 30 000 singers who wanted to get out (besides about 150 000 listeners) so we all just couldn't move. The thing was officially ended but people stayed there and sang more. I could sing about 2 songs more until I had a chance to move at all.
In this big moving, my cousin went missing. I almost started panicing (as she didn't know that we had to go back to the place we slept). I tried to call her but the phones didn't work as there were too many people wanting to call.. Soon she though came and could go.
The whole bus drive me, Marija and my cousin, we were together and had a lot of fun. I came home around 2 in middle of the night.

It was so ... I don't know. XD I can't describe it. I just can't. If you want to understand then you have to be there and see it yourself. Try to imagine 30 000 singers, 150 000 people listening you to sing, having the best choir/orchestra leaders there to assist you (from the best known names, Neeme Järvi), as strong feeling, honor and overflowing joy... And put it together into one moment.. Then you might have an idea... maybe...

Why does it have to be this way?

DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!

Why does it have to be like that huh?
The one person from who I would expect suppourt the most, beats me down and says that I am bad.

What ever I do she says I wont manage.
I went back to choir just because of her. Just to make her happy that I will sing in Tallinn this summer. And what for? To hear that I wont manage anyway? To hear how bad I am?
Because of her I am reaching out for University right now. She wants me to be successful and do the things with what she never managed. Why? To hear those words again? "You wont manage". "I thought that there is more in you". You have no idea how mad you turn me at times. And after that angryness comes sadness. You have no idea how much it damages me. I sometimes feel that I don't want to be what you try to make of me. I feel that I am not mine but you own me. But it's not meant to be like that. I should own me, not you.

I have so much more to say but it will become too long and I don't want to put all my anger out in here...
The things what bothered me most at the moment are said.. I can write here anytime again.
I just had to get this out of me... I am sorry.